I wish I had the ability to place the keyboard in front of me and just … write. I admire the journalists that can write knowing they have a deadline. I admire the bloggers that can write a blog post about a news breaking story, while it is happening. I know exactly what I want to write about, but as soon as I sit down by the computer to do the actual writing, everything comes to a complete halt. I get stuck writing the first sentence, because I want it to be perfect. I get stuck writing the second sentence, because it has to be just as perfect. And then I start wondering if I am using the correct words. I was born in the United States, but have lived most of my life abroad. English is not the language I speak or write on a daily basis. So there is a reason for my hesitation. I wanted to use the words “writer’s block” in my title, but when I googled it, it seemed that I had to have produced something beforehand. I wanted to use the word envy instead of admire, but when I googled it, it could also mean that I wished those journalists and bloggers lacked the ability that I so much admire.
I wanted to start this blog about my thoughts on how it was to become 50 years old. It should be an easy task. I experienced it only a few days ago, and it is not a vivid memory. I had the keyboard on my lap for hours and nothing happened. I just looked at it. Put my fingers on the different keys without doing much more. I did notice that there was a lot of dust on it and that there was, and still is cat hair sticking up between the keys. And with my fingers on the keyboard, I also noticed that I am biting my nails way too much. The backside of my Dell keyboard states that it is made in China.
Finally, after what seemed like infinity, I had produced something. A draft to what was to become a blog post. I read through it once, and once more, and I was so proud. I couldn’t find anything wrong with it. I let my wife read it just before she went to bed. She didn’t like it. She just looked at me and told me that it didn’t really tell her anything. And she was right. I was writing about becoming 50 years old, but not how I actually felt. I was diplomatic and never really coming to the point. I was more concerned with the correctness of my English, my non existing writing skills, writing about the negative sides about the topic, but making sure I was also including the positive sides. Almost like writing an exam paper. That’s not what this blog is about.
This first blog post is my proof that I can sit down with a keyboard in front of me and just … write. Yes, I am proud, and no, I am not going to show it to my wife. I will make sure that my writing skills, my English spelling and sentence structure improve over time. But for now, you are all going to have to be patient. Next week there will be a blog post about my thoughts on becoming 50 and how I am dealing with that situation, and I will not be so diplomatic.